Senior Thesis: Reliquary

My senior thesis project was something that I had been fearing and looking forward to for a very long time.  It was my time to show what I was made of: to go bigger than I had ever gone before, to work harder, create more, give more, and to in all ways create a series that was better than anything I had created before.  I like to think that I reached my goal. 

After creating my original body of work, Woman of Folklore, I decided I hadn't pushed myself enough.  I made the costumes, the lighting was great, my idea was clear, and I had a message; but it just wasn't good enough.  It wasn't deep enough.  You could see that my heart wasn't in it.  I had to start again. 

Then I saw the book Heavenly Bodies by Paul Koudounaris, and fell in love.  It was everything I loved in my art: the dichotomy of beauty and fear.  But not only were the images terrifying and awe inspiring, they inspired something that had been growing in me for quite sometime: the question of Christianity.  

The reality of christianity and the undeniable truth that some see in the bible has been something that has cast confusion and doubt on my heart for many years.  I have never seen this all loving God.  How have you?  With all the things wrong in this world, how can you believe in an over arching God who knows everything; knows the terror that happens in this world, and still believe he loves us?

I know I am not alone in these questions,and it is my hope that everyone-from christians to atheists- considers these things as well.

Artist Statement

Fate 

I started the series with Fate.  Do we control our own destiny, or is it predetermined?  The red string is from an asian myth of how those who are destined to meet are bound together by a red string.  The candles are for prayer: one common way to send a prayer is to light a candle, and what does one pray for more than to change their fate?

I hand beaded/painted the dress to mimic the heavily 

beaded bones and clothing of the catacomb saints.

Another inspiration for this series was the byzantine icons.  Icons were sacred images of Christ, the Virgin, or Saints, and allowed for direct contact with the sacred figure.  This allowed a direct route for prayer from person, to saint, to God.  

If one made donations to the catacomb saints, they could 

acquire indulgences, or "passes" into heaven.

Death

Death is something that awaits us all, but for some, it comes too soon.  Why are we faced with natural disasters, deadly environments, and disease? Why do these things befall the innocent and good hearted?

Later in their careers, the catacomb saints were covered with veils in an attempt to make them more pleasing to the public, who had begun to withdraw with fear. 

In the victorian times, it was common to photograph the bodies of loved ones who had passed.  It was often the only photo a family would have of the deceased.  One of the most common ways to recognize one of these photos is the unnatural positioning and blackening of the hands.  Stands were often used to help support the arms and head of the deceased to acquire a lifelike photo.  

Soul

How does one determine the goodness of their soul?  One tries to be good at heart, but how do you know if your soul will go to heaven or hell?  How do we know these places exist?  Perhaps there is nothing after ones passing.  

To represent the soul, I went with the theme of baptism, as one is unable to ascend to heaven if they are not baptized.  

In my hands I hold holy water, and it over flows with the questions of it's importance.

Creation

                                      

 With the evidence of evolution, it is hard to accept that the earth was made in 7 days by an all powerful God.    

The first thing God created was light, which is symbolized by the light in my hands.  The helmet is meant to mimic a form of Frankentstein's monster: something brought to life without God. 

This image was done in a single, long exposure with two flashes.  First, the flash in my hands was fired, then the studio strobes were fired. In the above out take, one can see where my eyes shifted in between flashes.

War

War was one of the most obvious and most difficult to shoot.  There are so many casualties to war.  It destroys our families, our humanity, and our earth.  And yet war is all around us, in our past, in our future, and even fought in Gods name.  However, finding symbolism for war beyond the simple blood and weaponry was near impossible. 

 Soldiers who were thought to die for christianity in Rome were dressed in armor and given swords. 

I gave myself more skeletal makeup in this photo to strike fear in the viewers.  War is not something that can be glamorized, it is raw and harsh.  I avoided the gold and jewels that are seen in the others in favor of a more simple look.  

The Opening

Overall the experience was truly gratifying.  I had such lovely helpers, Marissa and Holly, as well as the ever supportive, James.  I would not have been able to complete such awesome work without your help!  And also a large thank you to everyone who came to my opening!  It was so wonderful to have you all there to support me.  I was beyond excited to see each and everyone of you.  

And to answer your question: So what have you decided in regards to religion?  I have come to a new understanding, but I am no closer in believing or not believing, I have only learned of new hurdles I must cross to find my way.  

Class: Identity

I base my self worth on my physical appearance.  These are the flaws that I usually photoshop out of any of my self portraits.  For this series, I chose to focus on the flaws to display my fears and what I base my self worth on. 

52: Week 52

I know, it's been forever, but I finally felt motivated enough to finish the last shoot of my 52 week project.  I shot these photos at the end of December, but didn't have the creative drive to put them all together.  Now, 3 months later, I am finally finished with my 52 week project. 

I started this project with a zombie shoot.  I felt it appropriate to end it the same way.

Thank you so much to all of my models who were willing to stand outside in the absolute freezing weather with fake blood all over their faces.  You guys were awesome to work with and there is no way I could have done it without you!

I'm slightly sad and slightly relieved that I'm done with this project.  It was a great tool to get me to shoot every week, but it is definitely nice to not feel the pressure to come up with something amazing every week.  Over all I think it helped me improve as a photographer.

Self: Lavender

Okay guys, I've finally done something I've always wanted to do: dye my hair lavender.  

For Christmas my mom offered to pay for me getting my hair done.  She was thinking red highlights or something-I was thinking "go big or go home." 

So here it is!  My new professional photo for my website.  

52: Week 47

Again, not what I had planned for this week.  I meant to do a cool spy shoot, as their is a sticker out at Jamie's house that says something along the lines of "stay away, explosives" (we have no idea why it's stuck on a dumpster) but the weather was so terribly cold and rainy that I decided against doing it.  

Here is an attempted time lapse. 

Week 47

52: Week 46

I had three shoots scheduled for this week, and all three of them got canceled.  This is a part of side mixed media project that I have been working on that uses digital scans printed onto paper material such as envelopes and newspaper pages.  I know it isn't technically a photograph, but since the purpose of this project is to force myself into new creative directions, I decided this would work for this week.

This is directly out of the scanner, I'm not sure how it happened. 

Week 46

52: Week 44

A Beautiful Death

It was the strongest of these emotions, that finally killed her.

I wanted to do something for Halloween, although this is an idea I've had for quite a while.  The title and caption should be enough to give you some idea of what this image represents.
Tom came out to play, and Danielle did my skeleton makeup.  

52: Week 42

 I'll Give You Something to Worry About

It could be worse.  I could have a bunch of tattoos and piercings, be smoking a cigarettes in some sort of dilapidated ally way, and drop out of school.  Instead, I'm going to school, getting my work done, and going above and beyond on everything I commit to.

 

 

The sleeve is cameras and peonies, the wrist band is camera apertures, and the chest piece is two revolvers, peonies, a skull, and a banner that reads "stick to your guns." The tattoos were designed by me, but the vectors were found online, or designed by me from previous projects.

Misc. Chair II

Attempt II of 50 unique images of a chair.

Yes, I was the girl with the chair on main lawn.

52: Week 40

I am in love with Jamie's motorcycle.  The feeling of freedom when the air rushes past you is just amazing.  The bike is also Jamie's baby, so we of course had to shoot with it.  

This shoot was a lot of fun to do, Jamie was great to work with.  He was super patient, and modeled very well too.  And I can't lie; these are my favorite pictures I have taken in a long time.

Week 40

We look so cool!

Self: Vampire Re-vamped

Lately, I have been redoing a number of photos I took over the course of my 365 project I did sophomore year of high school.  I have always had a thing for vampires, and decided it would be cool to reshoot this vampire photo.  

I have been reshooting old photos in an attempt to display my progress over the past 5 years.  Everything from my skill level in photography and photoshop, to the availability of costumes, props, makeup artists, and locations.

A big thank you to Alicia Marie for doing my vampire makeup!

 

I wanted to keep the photos as similar as possible, while still allowing myself room to update and improve the second shot.  The original photo was shot in my bedroom back home, my end table covered with fabric, a desk lamp, and a small jewelry box and rose sit atop it.  In the redo, I had the side table covered with fabric, but attempted to improve the elements by having a candle instead of lamp, and grapes and a book instead of rose and jewelry box.  I felt that these elements would be more realistic to find on an end table. 

Although I had access to a champagne flute, which is what I'm holding in the original photo, I decided to go a little more accurate and use a win glass.  I again, tried to be more realistic and filled the glass with blood, instead of simply holding an empty glass.  

I decided against using the same amount of blood on my face/neck for the simple reason of not wanting to drip any on the costume departments clothing.  I also wanted to appear more "elegant," versus “animal.”

Although I didn’t mean to do this, I feel that my expression is much more vampiric in the redo than in the original, where I appear rather sheepish.  My expression definitely has more of a dominating quality to it, which I believe to be appropriate for the subject matter.  I think that the improvement in my expression and pose is just a result of 5 more years of experience being in front of the camera.  This photo was taken in the beginning of my photography/self portrait career.

I play both vampire and victim in both photos.  As an only child, if I wanted multiple people in a photo, I was forced to model both parts.  In the redo, I attempted to make it more obvious I modeled both parts by not cropping out my face, as I did in the original.  I also attempted to make the gender of the victim more clear in the redo, although I believe it was a man in the original as well.  I pinned my hair back, put on a button down shirt and tie, and did minor adjustments in photoshop to make myself appear more masculine, such as strengthening my jaw line, straightening my eyebrows, and straightened my nose.  The blood was added later in photoshop.

I’m overall pretty happy with the final photo, although a lot more work went into it than originally planned (wallpaper was added, multiple shots composited together, etc.)  I think that my goal of comparing my then and now work was definitely reached, and for that I am very grateful.

p.s.

-I originally wanted to redo the shoot as a vertical, like the original, but my camera decided otherwise.  

-The candle is a carrot painted white I found in the drawing room.

-I might have scared the crap out of one of my teachers when he saw me in my vampire makeup.

p.p.s.

I love it when I find things in my photos I didn't notice while shooting.  Like the fact that there were goldfish crackers everywhere.  I had to edit them all out.

Self: Marry the Night

Trying out some new lighting, called clam shell.  I think I am in love!

52: Week 25

I have been thinking about this shoot since the end of the school year.  I even had my model picked out!  Finally I decided that it would be this weeks 52 photo.  This is Rachel, who we have seen before in my 52 week project.  She was a gymnast for many years, making her the perfect model for this shoot.  Thank you so much for modeling for me Rachel, you did wonderful!

Single exposure, multiple flashes.

Week 25

15 seconds, 3 flashes

30 seconds, 6 flashes

Test run, 15 seconds, 3 flashes

Thanks Alicia for being my button pusher!